YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING
YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING
Fear of badness
So often we feel this pressure, pull or weight to do. That we have to do against our will or desire to do. There seems to be an ultimatum if we don’t do. We fear that if we don’t do whatever it is that we think we have to do, then something bad will happen. We don’t even typically know what will happen, we just think that it will be bad. This fear of “badness” and of not wanting to feel it, keeps us locked into the feeling state of being trapped, and the thought that we must do even when we aren’t sure what to do or feel strong opposition to the doing we think that we must do.
One of the pivotal things to accept is that as humans we are essentially blind. Spiritually blind that is. In many ways we are masked, muted and confused. We can see the appearance or expression of life, but we can’t see the source of it. We don’t know who we are or what’s really going on beyond what we’ve been taught by other beings who are similarly confused. When you accept that you are, by nature of this human experience, highly confused and that its okay to be confused, its much easier to take the pressure off of yourself. That pressure to do something because you fear badness is alleviated when you accept your own state of blindness.
When we accept that we mostly don’t know anything we can realize that even our projected fear of badness is inaccurate. The truth is we don’t know if something bad will happen or not happen based on our doing or non-doing. We may create elaborate stories based on ideas in our mind or on previous life experiences, and yet even so we don’t know what will truly happen, ever. All of the doubt we feel in our decision making processes (i.e. the pressure we feel) is simply rooted in the perspective that one way is good and another is bad. One way is right and another wrong. That the result of one choice is preferable and the other un-preferable.
Rather than forcing yourself to do, take some kind of action, or make a decision, first giving yourself the permission to not know and not act is key. Even though it seems like there are deadlines and timelines remember that all of that is made up. It’s true that if certain “timelines” don’t get met than certain things may not occur, but remember there is no badness in the occurrence or non-occurrence. Only the perspective you take on all of it matters. There are truly no missed opportunities. There is only what happens. That may be hard for you mind to accept and your acceptance of that is key to your peace.
WANTING EVERYTHING IN YOUR LIFE
Doing from choice
Conjure up something in your mind that you think you have to do. Maybe its your taxes, paying your bills, or a project for work or for hobby. Perhaps its a conversation with someone, an email to write, a new diet or exercise to start, a relationship to end or a new job to start . Make sure that whatever it is you bring into mind right now is something you think you have to do, rather than something you want to do or that you feel in neutral acceptance about doing. Notice the pressure, heaviness, tension or perhaps scatter that occurs when you think about doing the thing. Listen to the stories and thoughts that are occurring in your mind about having to do the thing. Some of those stories that are flittering their way through your mind might have flavors of failure, dread, uncertainty and confusion. Notice what ultimatums you are giving yourself if you don’t do the thing and how you might feel bad about yourself or about the outcome of doing or not doing.
Now feel what its like to give yourself the permission to not do the thing. There might still be that initial dread or fear that something bad might happen, but let that story lift as well. For just a few moments stop making all assumptions about what you think might happen and fully allow yourself to not know what the outcome might be or not be. Be in the mystery. Allow the not knowing to be present. Give space for potentiality before making a concrete reality-assumption in your mind. Now simply notice how you feel. You should notice that you feel lighter. That its easier to breathe. That you are more present. Continue to allow yourself to not have to make any decisions or take any actions in this moment and continue to notice your energy and feeling state.
I recommend aiming for this more neutral and easeful state of being before taking any actions. If you don’t you are simply reacting to illogical stories and disempowered patterning. From your now current state of being check in and see if whatever it is you conjured up to do still feels relevant to do. If it doesn’t then just let it go as its not serving you to keep entertaining it. If it does still feel relevant than begin to see how it is something that you want to do rather than continuing the story that you have to do it. In the shift to wanting to do it perhaps you notice that you feel like you don’t know how to do the thing, or maybe like you don’t have the resources (physical, emotional, mental or other) to do it. Notice if this is the case. These are the situations to seek support and advise from others. Find the “how” so that your mind doesn’t put a stop to it or insist on keeping you victim to it. In this way you begin to learn that there is nothing that you have to do. There is only what you want to do or get to do. When you have this as the relationship with everything in your life the pressure and tension is gone because you stop being in conflict with yourself. When you are aligned with yourself there is still work and energy expenditure, but the tension of dread of what bad thing might happen is transformed into excitement for what you get to do instead. You open more into the mystery and worry less of the outcome.
Dr. Amanda Love