What we know & that we know
How much permission do you give yourself to listen to yourself, and even beyond that to know that you know even if you don’t know what you know? How frequently do you find yourself looking to something or someone to affirm you or tell you what to do? We are taught from a very young age to look towards others to tell us what do and what is acceptable, right or ok. Many of us have experienced punishment from having “done the wrong thing” or “behaving the wrong way”, which has reinforced the idea inside of our heads that we don’t know. This is the birth of self-doubt and the questioning that we can know for ourselves.
What we know and that we know are two very different things. People can know many different things than us. For example someone may be very proficient in physics or human dynamics, where another might know about culture and religion. These are all areas of study or experiences which inform us in worldly ways. Unfortunately what we know is often the basis for how we perceive our value and worth. Our culture has placed a lot of value on what we know rather than our capacity to simply know that we know. If people appear to know a lot of information or have some special skill set we see them as more “knowing” than us and with this we have a tendency to view ourselves as less than in some way. This is the root of the unworthiness that so many of us have felt and experienced.
There is a difference between being able to receive the gifts of someone’s knowing versus giving our power over to them. To receive another’s gifts with appreciation of their sharing rather than as the knower or decider for us (or others) is healthy receiving as we don’t see ourselves as less than in the dynamic. However when we see others as better than us or we perceive them to know more about ourselves then we can know because we are riddled with self-doubt, then we are giving our power to them. They may or may not want to be in that role of having your power, but nonetheless you’ve given your knowing that you know over to the perception of what another knows. This is a recipe for disaster and a life of feeling unnecessarily bad about yourself.
Refusing to see your own self
When we don’t trust ourselves it is very hard to relax and be present with others. We are always running scripts inside our heads, overanalyzing our behaviors, actions and what we said or didn’t say, and we feel confused a lot. Confusion is natural as it is part of growth, however anguish is not. Self-doubt often leads to slow forward movement in life. Not being able to decide and constantly feeling like you don’t know for yourself. There are always rhythms of more clarity and production and then feeling less clear and productive, but to continue the story that you don’t know for you is the worst kind of self-punishment there is.
There isn’t anyone that knows better for you than you. That can feel a bit overwhelming or scary at first for some people as it means that you are now accountable and responsible for yourself fully. It also means that you can’t use the excuse anymore that you don’t know. Saying that you don’t know is form of self-denial. Clearly there will always be things that you don’t know and you will always be learning in those more worldly ways if you so choose. Ultimately the what of what occurs or happens in life, meaning how situations, circumstances or relationships turn out, is always deeply trenched in mystery which only reveals itself in the moment it is experienced, but the knowing that you know never changes, never goes anywhere unless you allow it too. Unless you refuse to see or acknowledge yourself. It is from knowing that you know all life is birthed and all experience had. It is not so important what happens, which ironically is what we tend to put all of our focus on, but only that we know that we know.
What would it be like if you shifted your focus off of the known and onto the one that knows the known? Trust would be inherent. There would be nothing to doubt as experience would be arriving in the moment as you were present to it. You wouldn’t have to try and navigate all the unknowns that your mind conjures up or get stuck in your head trying figure it all out.
Self-trust is not about knowing what is going to happen. It is not about controlling any kind of outcome. It is not about protecting yourself. It is about boldly being fully open and rested in your own knowing, in that you know, and not what you know. End of story. This ends self-doubt. This ends self-torment. Freedom to just be you arrives. Undefended. Nothing to protect, fear or hide. It is in this way that you can truly receive others without feeling less about yourself. It is a meeting of knower to knower, creator to creator, god/goddess to god/goddess.
Amanda Hessel, Aligned as Love